Danny Groner started his job as a marketing director in February 2021. The 39-year-old New Yorker took the position in a remote-only world and began working from his couch. Without an office to go into each day, he was surrounded by work at all times. “On a day-to-day basis,” he says, “I was very worried — even fearful at the beginning of this work-from-home lifestyle that sprang up on us — that I would be able to do the work but that I would lose my sense of self.”
At home seven days a week and looking at his screen for 10 to 12 hours a day, Groner quickly realized the importance of creating boundaries between his workday and personal time. He started closing his laptop to create a physical boundary between him and his projects. “I try to leave it in the dining room — the area that I sit in when I’m working — as much as I can. I also leave my phone beside it, so that when my wife and I catch up about our day or sit down to eat dinner, it’s not a temptation.”
In a recent report by project management software company Asana, almost 70 percent of workers surveyed across various generations said they experienced burnout in the last year. “It’s not just working parents,” says career adviser and Begin Boldly author Christie Hunter Arscott. “It’s everyone, even younger individuals in the workplace. All of that requires boundaries irrespective of parental or marital status, gender, or age.”
While discomfort can be found in many workplaces, especially as more than 27 million employees have transitioned to remote or hybrid working environments, if you’re starting to feel a lack of boundaries is negatively impacting your health, it may be time to establish new personal digital policies. Here are the questions that experts suggest asking yourself before implementing a fresh restart:
What is draining me?
Before you can take action, you first need to figure out what it is that you need a reprieve from. Is it workload? Availability? Travel? It can also be what you need more of from work, such as flexibility during certain hours or privacy when it comes to personal matters. Hunter Arscott advises that you reflect on the root issue that makes you feel like you need to draw a boundary in the first place, then name it.
How frequently am I stressed?
Many aspects of work are industry dependent and look different from company to company. “I wish I could say there’s a silver bullet solution for all employees and all teams,” Hunter Arscott says, “but it depends on the demands of your clients, your busy season [et cetera]. You have to think about what’s realistic and relevant for your business.” If you’re salaried, for example, it may be normal to work more hours at certain times of the year. If it’s happening consistently, it’s worth noting.
How much do I feel comfortable revealing?
Before initiating a conversation about a boundary with your employer or team, be clear on what aspects of your experience you’re willing to share and the relevant details they need to know, advises organizational psychologist and Yes, You Can Talk About Mental Health at Work author Melissa Doman.
“We want to create a sense of psychological safety that you can talk about mental health at work,” Doman says, “but you shouldn’t feel obligated to.” While an explanation may be required as to why you need more flexibility or are reducing accessibility, you should decide how much you want to disclose.
What is my intended outcome?
Knowing the reason why you want to establish a policy and what you hope will come from it will aid you in being able to logically explain to others why it exists. Doman says it’s important to know and be able to express the desired outcome attached to it, whether it’s more focused work time, psychological safety with coworkers, or improved mental health. She likens it to building a fence. “What are you going to stop from going through? What are you going to let through?”
Setting a personal policy
After a season of rest and rejuvenation, it’s easy to start the new year ready to tackle work only to realize you’re slipping back into old habits or already feeling overwhelmed. Whether you think of setting boundaries as creating a “work-life balance” or a form of “quiet quitting,” building guardrails at work is crucial to protect your well-being and maintain your career.
Sometimes, a personal policy is simply a small shift that can be implemented with no conversation with colleagues necessary. Other times, it may be a good idea to communicate it with a manager, human resources representative, or your team. Here’s how to start the process:
Be clear on expectations
Getting to the bottom of what you should be investing your time in at work rather than guessing can give you back both power and energy as well as help you establish the most beneficial personal policies. From there, you can work to set clear boundaries with your team or clients.
Hunter Arscott says that employees oftentimes contribute to their own work burnout by assuming what tasks should be prioritized instead of asking their boss. “One thing that really helps is asking your manager what matters most to them, then aligning your time and energy accordingly,” she says. “Sometimes, we think they care about a quick response when really they just want us to think about it.”
Brainstorm actionable steps
Once you reflect on what is at the root of your feelings, ask for clarification from your employer on expectations, and start thinking of practices that could potentially improve your relationship to your work. Some examples include:
- Determine start and end times for your workday.
- Include working hours or response time in work communication.
- Label or organize the urgency of work communication.
- Refrain from responding to work messages during breaks.
- Utilize status updates on work communication.
- Check work communication only at specific times of the day.
- Remove your personal phone from your workspace.
- Create an end-of-work ritual, such as closing your laptop.
- Avoid colleagues on social media.
Frame it
If you go to your employer and declare that you’re no longer going to respond to emails from 6 p.m. to 6 a.m. each day, it may not be well received. Instead, after understanding what policies you’d like to enforce for your own well-being, try presenting it as a helpful idea, not a strict edict.
Hunter Arscott offers this script for approaching your boss: “I have an idea about how we might be able to work better and smarter and not burn out in the process. I was wondering if we could all come together and discuss some ideas around what’s important to us and how we can get there, then experiment with something."
Set a transparency level
It’s crucial to be forthright on why you are setting a personal policy. Occasionally, you may have a boss or team member who wants to know more details than you’re willing to share. Doman suggests a simple go-to sentence if someone is crossing a privacy boundary in and of itself: “I don’t feel comfortable talking about it at work.”
Choose the medium
When verbalizing or jotting down your desire, make sure there is no room for confusion by welcoming clarifying questions or thoughts. “Mediums that don’t allow for vocal tones or facial expressions can automatically create space for misunderstandings and assumptions,” Doman says. “However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t be extremely intentional with written communication.”
Include others
If you are part of an open-minded team, collectively deciding to experiment with a new approach for a specific amount of time could not only benefit you but also pave a way forward for a more functional organization. Hunter Arscott calls this practice agile experimentation.
“You’re going to see there’s less resistance to a suggestion to try something for a month and track productivity, client satisfaction, and how your team’s feeling than you would to proposing a whole different policy for a year,” Hunter Arscott says. Whether switching off contact after hours or breaking away from your computer during a set lunch hour, your whole team could be healthier for it.
Share outcomes
If new boundaries are working for you, share the impact. “Individuals would be well served by making the results and outcomes of their work visible,” Hunter Arscott says. She suggests sending your team leader an update noting what you’ve done and what you have planned. “The boundaries you ask [for],” she adds, “[are] harder to question because you’re showcasing your results.”
Be adaptable
After experimenting with a certain policy, you may discover it’s not working for you. You can decide — alone or alongside your team — if it’s something that’s worth continuing. Hunter Arscott suggests asking yourself if it’s a policy you should abandon altogether or revise and enhance it.
A completely immovable policy is not always possible in the workplace. “Sometimes, boundaries need to have room for flexibility,” Doman says. “You can’t always have everything 100-percent honored.” After following these steps and talking with your manager, if there is no wiggle room or possibility to meet you halfway, you may consider searching for a work culture more likely to honor your policies and share your values.
Mia Brabham is a staff writer at Shondaland. Follow her on Twitter at @hotmessmia.
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