In the ongoing Shondaland series Head Turners, we meet interesting women from every facet of life who are crushing it in their careers. From artists and tech mavens to titans of the boardroom, these women are breaking barriers, and they’ll share how you can too.
Nina Williams does not scale highballs — the term for towering boulders 20 feet and higher — merely for thrills. The groundbreaking rock climber gravitates to high-stakes challenges for beauty. “I don’t climb highballs because they’re highballs,” she says. “I climb boulder problems that inspire me from an aesthetic point of view. When I’m a part of that climb, I feel like I’m part of the artwork of nature for a brief moment.”
A professional athlete for more than a decade, the Boulder, Colorado-based rock climber initially became infatuated with rock climbing at age 12 and joined a competitive youth team a year later in Rhode Island. She recently started working with The North Face on an initiative geared toward improving accessibility to the outdoors for rock, snow, and trail athletes. Williams says she hopes to broaden the climbing scene to include more “people of color, folks from the LGBTQ+ community, and people who, when it comes down to it, don’t have the time or the money to just go and be a pro climber.”
Williams herself is familiar with standing out in the climbing world. As a teen, she was often one of few girls competing. Today, she continues to make waves in the largely male-dominated sport, becoming the first woman to ascend elite highballs around the world. Her quest to climb Too Big to Flail, a 50-foot boulder near Bishop, California, was the subject of the 2019 short film The High Road, which was featured in the annual outdoor adventure film festival Reel Rock.
“Too Big to Flail was the most special project of my life,” Williams says. “In the rehearsal stage, I was going by myself, setting up a rope, putting in my headphones, and working out the moves.” She eventually completed the climb sans rope, a feat witnessed only by two friends and her former partner James Lucas, who filmed the ascent from afar.
Williams recently spoke to Shondaland about what it mentally takes to climb boulders without a rope, how she overcame a cheating scandal in her youth, and why having a life partner who shares your obsessions isn’t necessarily beneficial.
LUNA ADLER: In 2017, you wrote an article for Rock and Ice detailing your experience being disqualified for cheating at the 2004 USA Climbing Youth Regionals as a teen. By telling your story, did you regain control of the narrative?
NINA WILLIAMS: I had a great opportunity to be part of a writing workshop led by prominent climbing writer John Long. The process was really painful. I definitely cried writing it. There was lots of processing and revisiting these painful memories. All of that stuff happened when I was 14 or so, and it took about 10 years for me to be able to actually talk about it without feeling a ton of shame and guilt. It doesn’t make it right, but it makes it more understandable for me, and that allowed me to grow past it.
LA: Were you surprised by the response you received?
NW: There was a lot of positive response in support. More people should take those skeletons out of their closet and examine them. Maybe not necessarily write a public article about it and put it out into the world, but be more open to talking about it. Everyone has something that they’re ashamed of or that they struggle with, and being able to talk about it is really helpful.
LA: How did you overcome that situation?
NW: Part of my punishment for cheating in the comps was being banned for the upcoming sport climbing season, but I had to volunteer at my local events and remain in the community. It was awful at the time because I felt like everyone’s eyes were on me and knew what was happening. It didn’t allow me to just go away to escape and hide.
I remember asking myself, “Is it worth it to me to stay in the climbing community because I want everyone to like me and think better of me? Or because I want to prove to myself that I’m not a bad person?” Those aren’t good reasons to stay. I knew that I wanted to stay because of climbing.
When it comes to more high-risk activities like highballing, I will always ask myself, “Is this worth it? Is it something that I want to do for me, not because it’s going to advance my career, not because I think my sponsors want me to do it, not because I feel like I need to stay relevant in some way?” Anything external outside of myself is not worth it.
LA: Do you find anything more terrifying than highball bouldering?
NW: Oh, mundane things in my life are way scarier than highball bouldering. Highball bouldering is not scary for me, in part because of the work and the process that goes into it. I will climb the route a few times [with a rope], so I know what to expect. Then, when I’m rehearsing it on a rope, I allow myself to feel all that fear so that when I’m on the wall [without a rope], I feel that fear to a degree, but I’m like, “I’ve been here before. I know what this feels like, and I can let some of it go because it’s not serving me at this moment.” Confidence comes from practice. If I was ever really, truly scared on a highball, then I would know I wasn’t prepared enough.
LA: You’ve spoken of the sense of tranquility that comes from being in that flow state when you’re too high up to make a mistake. Have you discovered ways to channel that mental state in other areas of your life?
NW: I have actually found it in conversations with people. Time passes, and we’re going back and forth. There’s banter, and suddenly, I’m like, “Wow, I’ve had this total mental shift, like a true light bulb moment.” I’ll trail run sometimes or go for a bike ride and find it in those moments where I just don’t notice time, where I’m fully present in the moment.
LA: You recently separated from your fiancé, climber, writer, filmmaker, and photographer James Lucas. How important is having a partner who is also part of the climbing community?
NW: James and I were together for five years. We were engaged, and we were so entrenched in climbing, which gives you so much — community, friends, physical health, purpose. Because of that, so many people can get really lost in the world of climbing and not be open to other interests and people.
My life was like that for a long time because I grew up in climbing, so it was my whole world. At some point, I realized: What am I sacrificing? What am I missing out on in terms of areas of growth that I can explore? And so, having a partner who was as into climbing as much as me, it was like our whole lives revolved around climbing.
We broke up for a variety of reasons. A big one for me was that I just needed to feel a little more connected to the world around me and not feel so stuck in climbing. James is an amazing person. The biggest part of grieving for me was losing probably the best climbing partner I’ll ever have, but I needed something more than climbing.
LA: You’ve said that you’re moving away from highball bouldering. Are you still focusing on other forms of climbing?
NW: It’s not that I’m not doing highballs. It’s that I’m just waiting for the next highball — or the next climb — to inspire me. I have a couple of climbing projects that I’m working on right now. People might look at it and say, “This isn’t safe. Why would she ever do that and risk herself?” But I always go back to that question of: Why am I doing this? Who am I doing it for? Is it worth it? Do I have the skill set to give me enough certainty to ensure that I can do it? I don’t feel like the stuff that I do is dangerous because I prepare myself really well for it. I make the percentage of failure as small as possible.
Luna Adler is a New York-based writer and illustrator who has contributed to Bon Appétit, Glamour, Interview, and Outside. Follow her on Twitter @RealLunaAdler.
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