I really love baths. Hot water, fragrant bath bombs, sudsy suds. It’s not so much an exercise in getting clean as it is a relaxation marathon, one usually accompanied by a playlist, book, and beverage. Once I’ve entered the tub, there’s no returning to dry land until I’m physically saturated and mentally renewed.
Of course, because I’m a woman, my affinity for bathing is never questioned. Somehow, plunging yourself into a small body of water is an extremely gendered activity. Blame pop culture. Julia Roberts' character achieves a state of bliss in Pretty Woman, while in The Big Lebowski, The Dude’s bath is interrupted by a ferret attack. Marilyn Monroe coquettishly throws a leg out of the water in The Seven Year Itch. In Scarface, Al Pacino spends his tub time having a screaming fit. We get it. For women, taking a bath is an opportunity to live your best life. For men, it’s the prelude to a violent plot point.
But does it have to be? An extremely informal survey of the men in my life shows that despite gendered expectations, many dudes do enjoy a plunge. (Save for one voice of dissent who wanted to know why he’d “want to sit in my own dirty body tea.”) While only a few friends mentioned scents or suds, those who did were passionate about how they like their baths to go down.
“In the middle of the night, when it’s super-dark out and, most importantly, super-quiet,” explains Bartek Urban, a musician pal from Rotterdam, the Netherlands. “If you have a window where your bathtub is, that’s a super-bonus. You can open the window, light a candle — scented, of course; I’m not a monster — close your eyes, and submerge.”
It’s not unthinkable that men might enjoy a good bath. The largely male-dominated barbershop culture has promoted the idea of pampering as a gender-neutral concept. Bathhouses in Japan, Korea, and throughout the Middle East are visited equally by both men and women. And there’s no denying that at the end of a long day, a soak feels fantastic.
“I just don’t care,” contends Urban, laughing at the idea that his bubble bath choices say something about him as a person. “I wanna take a bath, not have a gender reveal [or] affirmation when I’m naked and most vulnerable. I just want to soak in soapy water that smells nice.”
That’s the mentality motivated Javier Folgar to found the bath product line TOA Waters. An avid hiker, conservationist, and marketing exec who enjoys a good bath, he was looking for bubbles that didn’t smell like he tripped and fell into a flower bed. “It was like sugarplums, sliced cucumbers, and roses,” he says of his previous pink-hued options.
With time on his hands during pandemic lockdowns, Folgar started concocting bubble baths that he’d want to use, such as Lockwood Forest, a blend of sage, oak moss, and lavender; and Cara Cara, a guava- and agave-scented nod to his day job as communications director of Bat Conservation International. (Bats are prolific pollinators.)
While the marketing of TOA Waters leans on “dudes deserve a nice bath too” messaging, Folgar quickly discovered when starting his endeavor that women don’t always enjoy the cake-and-glitter aesthetic of mainstream bath companies either. The way he sees it, his role is to offer a genderless alternative for anyone interested in indulging.
“When I look at my current customer base, it’s almost split between both female and male, constantly,” Folgar says. “Even just talking with my friends or my network, I would say that there still seems to be some gender stereotypes when it comes to taking a bath. With males, I think they’re worried that’s going to impact their masculinity. And when it comes to females, they think they’re supposed to smell a certain way.”
Ivory Walker, owner of bath- and body-care purveyor Bumps & Hollows Boutique, has similarly experienced the bathtub gender divide. As nonbinary, they generally only consider scents masculine if they smell men in their lives wearing them. This open-mindedness translates to Bumps & Hollows' bath bombs, which feature gender-blind scents like the calming Lili’s Song and Tobacco Rose.
“It’s mind-blowing to me because I didn’t realize bathing was something that a lot of men didn’t partake in,” says Walker, who notes that several men in their life always had a penchant for luxuration. For example, a tall cousin is a fan of shower steamers, and an uncle never misses his biweekly manicure. “To me, that was just normal for the guys in my family,” they add. “I didn’t realize how many guys weren’t [bathing] until I started doing business.”
Folgar believes the rise of gender-neutral bath products is an extension of what’s already been happening in other cultural realms, where arbitrarily created lines have diminished. “Honestly, it’s cool because when you look at today’s culture,” he says, “you’re seeing that everywhere — from the first woman to serve as vice president to Harry Styles dressing however he wants.”
The message is clear: No matter how you identify, do whatever makes you happiest on the day you decide to dip. Choosing a scent for your bathing or showering experience comes down to personal preference. The options are now plentiful, and the expectations are fizzling away.
Laura Studarus is a Los Angeles-based travel writer who has contributed to Fast Company, BBC Travel, and Thrillist. Follow her on Twitter at @Laura_Studarus.
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